


I'll just keep on making the same mistakes, hoping that you'll understand

by storiesthatmakeus



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Love, M/M, Paternity questions, Revelations, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 17:39:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12822654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesthatmakeus/pseuds/storiesthatmakeus
Summary: Robert lost his brother due to the Whites, but he wouldn't let them hurt his little sister if he could help it. His plan was working too, until a trip to the hospital unearthed all the secrets he tried so hard to keep.AKA The Adam is the Dad theory brought to life.





	I'll just keep on making the same mistakes, hoping that you'll understand

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RegularKat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RegularKat/gifts).



> Apologies in advance for this long and rambling note! 
> 
> So anyone who may have read my one shot yesterday will have noticed I had a load of my works deleted due to a pesky child (Never offer to babysit, it will bite you on the arse!) Anyhoo, one of my biggest supporters on here (hi RegularKat) said how sad they were that the Adam Theory fic I had been challenged to write got deleted as a lot of people of Tumblr had wanted to read it and missed the chance. So I’ve managed to find an early draft of the first half and have rewritten it from memory so it’s pretty much identical. Some of the dialogue is a bit different and I’ve changed some of the ending, as I really wasn’t happy with how I left Adam’s strand when I originally posted it. Anyway, people may hate this theory (and story), but hopefully this is somewhat realistic. Enjoy (or not lol)

_‘’You’re no mate of mine ya liar.’’_

_‘’Oh c’mon, Robert made me do it, don’t be like that.’’_

The words from his wedding day were swirling in his head, playing on a loop as he stared at the devastated face of his best mate in front of him. Some people would probably laugh at the irony; Aaron stood in the same position in his mum’s pub as he was back then, the sentence said in jest ten months previously now taking on a frightening new meaning as Adam pleaded for forgiveness.

He knew all eyes are on him, waiting for his next move. He could hear Vic sobbing quietly in the background, and he felt Robert behind him, the anger and guilt radiating off him in equal measure.

‘’When?’’ He finally asked, and in the ensuing silence the whole pub could hear a pin drop.

‘’Aaron, please…’’ Rebecca piped up from her spot in the corner, Chrissie and Lawrence hovering over her protectively.

‘’I’m not talking to you, I’m talking to him.’’ He looked back at Adam, and his voice softened. ‘’There is a little boy in the hospital Adam, and everyone in this pub hated my husband for not donating blood to him. Thing is though, he couldn’t, what with Seb not being his and all. So I want to know when you realised that he’s your son?’’

The gasp from the onlookers ricocheted off the walls, and the silence filled with muttering, whisperings of infertility and infidelity echoing around the pub.

 

_‘’Is Aaron in?’’_

_‘’You’re unbelievable.’’_

_‘’Chas, is he here?’’_

_‘’Swanning in here without a care in the world, while your little boy is in the hospital and you won’t even help him.’’_

_‘’Chas, it’s not like that, please can I see Aaron?’’_

_‘’No, you can’t. Everyone knows you only care about yourself, but keeping a baby from getting help is a new low even for you.’’_

_‘’Chas, please.’’_

_‘’What the hell is going on out here?’’ Aaron appears from the backroom, confusion etched across his features._

_‘’Nothing love, just the rubbish blowing in.’’ Chas snipes._

_‘’Mum.’’_

_‘’Well if you must know, I was just asking your darling ex-husband here why he isn’t at the hospital with his son. Can’t bear to part with any of that precious Sugden blood eh?’’_

_‘’I can’t give Seb blood Chas, because I’m not his father.’’_

_Chas and Aaron both recoil at the revelation, but before they can even speak, the door bursts open and Rebecca, followed by Chrissie and Lawrence, come barrelling through._

_‘’Robert, please don’t do this.’’ Rebecca pleads._

_‘’I’m sorry, it’s too late.’’_

_‘’No, please.’’_

_‘’Your son’s in the hospital Bex, it was gonna come out eventually.’’_

_‘’Hang on’’ Aaron finally speaks, ‘’If Rob’s not Seb’s dad, then who is?’’_

_Just at that moment, Adam and Victoria come through the doors._

_‘’Finally found this one, been AWOL all day. ‘’ Vic stops talking as she gauges the scene in front of them. She catches the look of shame on Rebecca’s face, and the unreadable look on her brother’s. They’re both staring at Adam._

_‘’Babe, why are they looking at you like that?’’_

_Adam turns to Victoria, his eyes glistening, and like that, the penny drops for Aaron._

 

‘’Aaron, I’m so sorry.’’

‘’You haven’t answered my question.’’

‘’Ever since she came back, and moved in with Vic.’’

The murmurings around them increased, and Aaron could hear it, like white noise in his brain.

‘’Love, go through to the back yea?’’ Chas interjected quietly.

‘’Why should we? Everyone wants to know the truth.’’

‘’Aaron.’’

Robert’s voice was quiet, softly toned and comforting. Aaron felt his hand on his shoulder and relented.

‘’Fine. But she’s not coming.’’ He directs at Rebecca, who has already stood up. After hearing the venom in his voice, she fled from the pub, her family behind her.

The back room was deathly silent, save for the last of Vic’s tears. Robert stood against the wall while Adam perched on the sofa, head in his hands. Aaron leant against the table, just watching.

‘’So when did it happen?’’ He eventually asked.

‘’Aaron, please let’s not do this.’’ Adam begged.

‘’No, I want to know.’’

‘’The same night...the night she slept with Robert.’’

‘’Wow, she does get around doesn’t she?’’ Aaron scoffed.

‘’Aaron, stop. I need him to tell me.’’ Victoria interjected. ‘’I thought you couldn’t have…how could you do this?’’

‘’You heard your wife, tell us what happened.’’

 

_Adam was on his way back to Keepers when he heard it: the scuttling of unsteady heels on the village street. Turning around, he saw Rebecca hurrying to her car, and even from a distance he could hear the sobs coming from her._

_‘’Hey, you alright?’’_

_‘’What? Yea, I’m fine.’’_

_‘’Really? Might want to tell your face that.’’_

_Rebecca sniffled in response, and Adam glanced in the direction she’d come from._

_‘’You’ve just come from Mill haven’t you? Did Robert call you?’’ Adam asked, looking down at the half-finished house._

_‘’I really don’t want to talk about Robert.’’ Rebecca snapped._

_‘’Well whatever he’s said to you, he wouldn’t have meant it. But you’re not going anywhere in that state. Come inside for a bit until you’ve calmed down, yea?’’_

‘’You did it in our home?’’ Vic asked, the tears falling again.

‘’Babe, I’m so sorry, please forgive me.’’

‘’What happened then?’’ Aaron asked.

_‘’So, what did Sugden say then?’’_

_‘’He…we sle…nothing, he just said some horrible things to me and kicked me out.’’_

_''_ _Look, he’s upset, something must have happened at the prison, but I’m sure he’ll apologise tomorrow.’’_

_‘’If he even remembers.’’ Rebecca snorted in response. ‘’I’m sorry, ignore me.’’_

_‘’Don’t worry about it. You okay now?’’_

_‘’Yea, I’ll leave you to it.’’ She was heading out the door when she saw the photo. ‘’Is that Holly?’’ She asked, looking at the blonde haired girl in the middle._

_‘’Yep, that’s her.’’ Adam said sadly._

_‘’Well you should know that the picture I bought has pride of place in our office.’’_

_''_ _I’m glad, Holly would be too.’’_

_‘’Tell me about her.’’_

‘’We got to talking about Holly, I got a bit upset and had a couple of drinks, and I don’t know…one thing led to another. I’m so sorry.’’

‘’So that’s her thing is it?’’ Aaron said finally, after a beat of silence that stretches on far too long.

‘’What?’’ Chas asked from the corner, having joined unbeknownst to everyone else.

‘’Taking advantage of vulnerable men who’ve had a few.’’

‘’I should have stopped it, but I wasn’t thinking.’’ Adam chimed in. ‘’It wasn’t all her fault.’’

‘’That’s what he said when he told me.’’ Aaron directed at Robert. ‘’She’s quite the expert at playing the victim isn’t she?’’

‘’That’s one word for her.’’ Chas drawled dryly.

‘’And you knew, all this time?’’ Vic looked at her brother, and the tears in her eyes pierced him in the gut.

‘’That’s why you came here isn’t it? Wanted to tell me first before someone else could?’’ Aaron asked, looking at Robert, who nodded slowly.

‘’I’m so sorry Vic, I never wanted you to find out.’’ Adam interrupted.

‘’I can’t, I can’t hear any more of this.’’ With that, she’s gone, the backroom door slamming behind her. Robert moved to go after her, but Aaron caught his arm.

‘’You’re not going anywhere, I need an explanation.’’

‘’She’s my little sister Aaron, let go of me.’’

‘’You should have thought about that before you lied to her for months on end.’’

‘’I’ll go after her.’’ Chas offered, and ignoring Robert’s protests, she was soon gone from view.

 

 

‘’So, who’s gonna start then?’’

The silence surrounding the three men was deafening, the pub slowly quietening down after the night’s activity. Adam didn’t move from the couch, but now Aaron was slumped in a chair by the table, his eyes flitting between his best friend and his husband.

‘’Mate, I dunno what I can say.’’

‘’You said…you said you’ve known since she came back. How?’’

‘’After it…happened, we agreed to just put it behind us, act normal. . I was terrified she was gonna tell Vic. Then I had those first tests and they said I couldn’t have kids, so I just let it go, thought nothing of it. When she found out she was pregnant, I told her it couldn’t be mine.’’

‘’Then what?’’

‘’When it all came out, about her and Robert,’’ Aaron can see Robert wincing at the memory, but he reverts his gaze to Adam. ‘’You thought she’d gotten rid, and I’d already lost Vic because of that kiss with Vanessa, so I figured to keep quiet. Nobody else needed to get hurt.’’

‘’So when did she tell you?’’

‘’Before she’d had that scare, Vic had told her about our tests, about how I never went back to confirm the diagnosis. She cornered me that morning when Vic was at yours, wanted to make sure it couldn’t be mine. Next thing you know, she’s disappeared after being in hospital and when she comes back, she’s moving in with Vic.’’

‘’Just get to the point Adam, when did you know for sure?’’

‘’That scan, the one Vic took her to after she came back, the baby was old enough to have a paternity test done.’’

‘’You took a test?’’

‘’No, she got my DNA, I don’t know how, but a few days later she’s shoving a confirmation letter in my hands.’’

‘’It’s definitely yours?’’ Adam nodded. ‘’But the tests you had?’’

‘’I went back for more, after Rebecca told me. Came back positive.’’

‘’And what, you just agreed to pretend it wasn’t yours?’’

‘’It was easier. Everyone already thought Robert was the dad, and I’d never have stood a chance with Vic if it all came out. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.’’

‘’And how long have you known?’’ Aaron asks, looking at Robert.

‘’Aaron, I did this to protect you and Vic.’’

‘’Answer my question.’’

‘’Since the night I fell down the stairs, when Rebecca took me to hospital.’’

‘’How?’’

‘’We were about to leave. She was paying for parking and left her phone in the car. There were messages on there, from Adam.’’

 

_We have a problem. Robert’s questioning paternity._

_What? Why now, have you said something?_

_No, of course not, he’s just throwing accusations around._

_Look just keep calm okay, he doesn’t suspect anything._

_Okay._

‘’When did you…?’’

‘’It was a couple of days after you left. I saw her at the café and I just snapped, called her a slapper, said I only had her word that I was the father.’’

‘’So what did you do?’’

‘’Waited a couple of days after I saw the messages, and then confronted him. Asked why Rebecca would be texting him of all people about paternity.’’

‘’And?’’

‘’He couldn’t deny it. Begged me to tell him what to do, so I told him to keep quiet.’’

‘’I don’t get it. That day I came back, you were at each other’s throats.’’

‘’Yea, I promised him I’d keep his dirty little secret as long as Rebecca was kept in the dark about me knowing.’’

‘’So you could go after the business, and she’d be none the wiser.’’ Aaron finishes, the realisation rippling through him.

‘’I needed to do something, make her pay.’’

‘’But there’s more to this isn’t there?’’ Aaron wanted to slap himself once it hit him. ‘’That’s why you were in Robert’s face all the time, keeping him away, telling me I was better off. You were scared if we got too close, got back together he’d spill everything.’’

‘’We had to pretend in front of Rebecca, but I couldn’t risk him telling you and Vic.’’ Adam whimpered. ‘’But that’s why…that morning in the café when he said he wouldn’t move in with Rebecca, I told him I’d look after you.’’

‘’This, this is too much, I can’t do this.’’

‘’Aaron, please let me explain the rest, Aaron wait.’’ Robert pleaded, but Aaron was already gone, the door slamming in his wake.

‘’What do we do now?’’ Adam asked quietly.

‘’It’s over Adam, _we_ don’t do anything anymore.’’ Robert slumped down in the chair his husband had just vacated, the night’s events finally catching up to him.

 

Aaron felt like he had been driving for hours. In truth, he had wanted to run instead, run until he got everything he had just heard out of his system, but he had found himself in his car before he even registered it. Now, having pulled over into a layby, he considered going back to the village, hearing the rest of Robert and Adam’s explanation, but he knew another place he needed to visit first.

 

‘’You know, I never understood it, a big house like this having absolutely no form of security.’’

The Whites were gathered in the living room, and the sound of Aaron’s voice behind them made them all stand in shock.

‘’Any stray can just walk right in can’t they?’’

‘’Get out of here this instant’’ Lawrence snapped.

‘’Not until I’ve had a little chat with your daughter.’’

‘’No, not a chance.’’

‘’She broke up my marriage for nothing, I deserve to say my piece.’’

‘’Dad, it’s fine, I can handle him.’’

After a final look of pleading from Lawrence, he and Chrissie left them alone, the double doors remaining open, for Rebecca’s safety no doubt.

‘’What do you want Aaron?’’

‘’I want some answers.’’

‘’I’m sure Robert told you everything.’’

‘’And I want to hear your side.’’

‘’It never meant…’’

‘’What? To go this far? Hurt my best mate and my sister-in-law as well? Is this how you land them then?’’

‘’Excuse me?’’

‘’Well you slept with my husband when he was upset over losing me. You slept with Adam who was grieving his sister. Can you not get a man to sleep with you just because he wants to, or does he have to be vulnerable?’’

‘’It wasn’t like that with either of them. I don’t know what you want me to say.’’

‘’You can tell me the truth for once, this was all about getting Robert wasn’t it?’’

‘’No, it wasn’t.’’

‘’Then why not pretend the baby belonged to Ross? We all saw you together enough times.’’

‘’He didn’t want a child, he told me when he found out that he wasn’t ready.’’

‘’Don’t give me that, Robert didn’t want a child either, but that didn’t stop you claiming it was his.’’

‘’I didn’t want to hurt Vic, didn’t want to ruin her marriage.’’

‘’Oh, but my marriage was fine to destroy, is that it?’’

‘’It wasn’t as simple as that.’’

‘’So tell me then, what it was like. Because if you cared so much about Vic, then why did you move in with her?’’

The answer hit him as soon as the words left his mouth.

‘’The paternity test, Adam didn’t know how you managed to do it, but you needed something of his for the DNA sample, and where better than his old home to find it?’’

‘’I needed to know.’’

‘’You know everyone thought you were a piece of work, moving in with Vic, rubbing it Robert’s face, but you’re worse than that, you were rubbing in in her face, the only friend you had in the village.’’

‘’I couldn’t think what else to do.’’

‘’Oh wow.’’ Aaron interrupted, another memory flashing in front of him. ‘’You know I overhead our Debs a couple of days after it all came out, saying how you were still around even though you’d gone to Butlers to say goodbye, but you didn’t go for that did you? You thought Adam would be there, thought you’d get what you needed there, and Debs was just a handy cover. But he wasn’t, so you moved onto Plan B.’’

‘’I had to be sure so…’’

‘’So you could lie better to our faces?’’

‘’Robert hurt me Aaron, said it was a mistake, that he wanted to be with you, and…’’

‘’You wanted to hurt him back.’’ Rebecca nodded.

‘’Yea, at first, but then I thought Rob…’’

‘’What? Would come around eventually? Play happy families and nobody would ever know?’’

‘’My child needed a father.’’ Her voice was wavering as she spoke.

‘’And Robert was an easy target. Just admit it.’’

‘’What?’’

‘’That you’re in love with him.’’

‘’No.’’

‘’Rebecca.’’ Aaron’s tone rattled her, and she couldn’t hide her lie anymore.

‘’Fine, alright, you’re right. I just needed to make him see…he deserves…’’

‘’What? Better than me? I’ve thought that myself. We’ve argued about it more than once, believe me. And for a long time, I thought you’d be the one he’d choose in the end.’’

‘’Then let him go Aaron, I could make him happy, you know it’s true.’’

‘’No, here’s the truth. We’re both in love with Robert Sugden. But this, us, it’s not a competition, never was. Because he never paid off prison thugs for _you_. He never stood up and told a courtroom full of strangers he wanted to be with _you_. He never burned a suitcase of money to prove his love for _you_. He never dived into a quarry to rescue an engagement ring he bought for _you_ , and he never organised a surprise wedding for _you_. Now what does that tell you about who _he_ is in love with?’’

Rebecca was faltering. Hearing Aaron list all the things Robert had done for him had silenced her completely, and the tears glistening in her eyes was the only semblance of emotion she was showing. His point made, Aaron moved for the door, but he stopped briefly on his way out.

‘’You know what’s the best bit about all this? He destroyed your business, turned your family against each other, and yet you still want him to come crawling back. Chrissie would never have been so pathetic, she had fight in her, probably why he chose her over you all those years ago.’’

He didn’t wait around for her reaction, stopping only once he had left the big house to catch the breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding.

 

 

Robert was hovering outside Keepers, bracing himself to go in and take whatever his little sister threw at him. His hand was on the doorknob, about to push it open when it was yanked from beneath him, Chas appearing on the other side.

‘’How is she?’’

‘’What do you reckon?’’ She sniped in response. Seeing the pained look on his face, she softened. ‘’She’s stopped crying for now. Said she wanted to be by herself.’’

‘’I need to be with her.’’

‘’Thought you’d say that.’’ Chas moved out of his way, but when she was at the bottom of the path she stopped. ‘’Robert, why did you lie to her all this time?’’

‘’I didn’t want her to get hurt.’’

‘’But hurting my son wasn’t a problem? He loved you Robert.’’

‘’By the time I found out the truth it was too late for us, so keeping it from him probably did him a favour.’’

‘’How?’’

‘’He’s happier now; he’s better. I was looking out for him, believe it or not.’’

Before Chas could argue back, or even say anything, Robert had closed the door, leaving her to stand in the dark on her own, his words echoing in her ear.

‘’Hey.’’ He said it softly as he approached her, his little sister looking even smaller as she huddled up on the couch, her comically oversized blanket drowning her.

‘’Leave me alone.’’

‘’I’m not going anywhere.’’

‘’I don’t want to talk to you Robert.’’

‘’Well tough, because I’m staying.’’

‘’Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you let me walk around for months acting like her best friend?’’ She cried suddenly. 

‘’I’m so sorry Vic, I didn’t want to see you in pain.’’

‘’So why now, after all this time? You knew it was gonna come out didn’t you?’’

‘’I went to the hospital to see the baby; they were there together, arguing over the blood test. Chrissie was there too, she knew everything so I tried to get here first, tell Aaron and you but…’’

‘’How could you do this to me?’’

‘’I’m sorry, I should have been honest, but I was just trying to be there for you. Please don’t hate me too.’’

‘’But you watched as I let her live in my house.’’

‘’And that’s why…’’ Robert faltered as he spoke, and Vic looked questioningly at him.

‘’Why what?’’

‘’I faked the break in, the burning rag in the car…’’ Robert sighed.

‘’You did all that?’’

‘’I knew with Chrissie gone she’d want to protect Lawrence so…’’

‘’You did all that to get her away from me.’’ Victoria finished.

‘’I was trying to look out for you in my own stupid way.’’

‘’That’s why you did everything with the business as well?’’

‘’I wanted to take them down. They had already hurt Andy and Aaron. I wasn’t going to let them hurt the only other person I loved as well.’’ Victoria found Robert’s words surprisingly comforting, and she looked at him for the first time since he arrived.

‘’How could she do this to me Rob? She was supposed to be my friend.’’

‘’She doesn’t know how to be someone’s friend. She’s a manipulative…’’

‘’Bitch.’’ Vic confirmed, causing them both to let out a small laugh. ‘’Where’s Adam?’’ She asked quietly.

‘’The farm, I told him to stay away, give you space.’’

‘’He lied to me over and over and I trusted him.’’

‘’I know, and you didn’t deserve that, but he is sorry, Vic. Never thought I’d be sticking up for him, but he’s miserable.’’

‘’I don’t know what to do Rob, I’ve been such an idiot.’’ Vic began to cry again, and Robert’s heart broke. Crossing the room in two long strides, he pulled her into him on the couch, rocking her back and forth as she continued to sob.

‘’Whatever happens, you have me okay? I’ll always be here.’’

After letting his little sister cry on his shoulder for what seemed like hours, he eventually managed to get her into bed, where she fell asleep instantly, her crying having exhausted her. He was sitting in the darkened living room, a glass of whiskey his only companion, when the text came through.

_Come to the Mill. We need to talk._

 

 

Fifteen minutes later, Robert was standing outside his former home, after spending ten minutes fighting with himself over actually responding to Aaron’s text before leaving the safety of Keepers. He was still debating it even now, but before he could figure out what to do, that decision was taken from him as Aaron opened the door.

‘’You gonna stand out there all night or what?’’ He asked, heading back into the flat without a backwards glance.

Robert cautiously followed his husband into the Mill, where he found him on the couch, an empty beer can on the coffee table and another one in his hand. He hovered by the door, unsure what to do next.

‘’So, go on then. You said you had more to explain. Let’s hear it.’’ Aaron began as he took a swig.

‘’I don’t…I’m not sure where to start.’’ Robert admitted.

‘’You said you found out the night she took you to hospital.’’ Robert nodded. ‘’And you never suspected anything beforehand?’’

‘’There was something…’’ Aaron’s intense gaze spurred him on. ‘’The day I took her to the scan. The nurse called me dad, and Bex said I wasn’t. At the time, I thought it was a slip of the tongue, because I didn’t want to be involved with the baby.’’

‘’But then you saw the messages.’’

‘’She knew by then, that it wasn’t mine.’’

‘’But she wanted to keep up the lie, keep you around.’’

‘’She said something else as well, the night of my accident, when we got back, said it was _more fun to watch your pain_. She knew what she was doing all along.’’

‘’But if you saw the messages, why not confront her?’’

‘’I played dumb, wanted her to think I was grateful for helping me. Then she wouldn’t suspect anything when Home Farm started falling apart.’’

The quiet stretched between them, Robert itching for Aaron to say something. He was on the precipice of begging him to speak when Aaron finally broke the silence himself.

‘’You know what I’ve been thinking about all night?’’

‘’What?’’

‘’I’ve thought about all those times Vic pushed you into being involved with the baby, asking for money and going on about decorating the baby’s room. You were so uncomfortable whenever she brought it up, and a little part of me was glad, you know why?’’

‘’Aaron…’’

‘’I wanted to see you be punished for what you’d done to us. Vic was being insensitive to both of us, but a small part of me thought you deserved it. And you stood there and took it, never called her out on it, and I always wondered why you never really said anything back. But now I know, it’s because you’d rather take it then have her feel that same pain.’’

‘’She’s my little sister Aaron. I had to protect her.’’

‘’Why go so far though? The business, everything?’’

‘’My brother is on the run because of that family and I have no idea where he is. Not a chance in hell was I gonna let them hurt my little sister too.’’

‘’You never do things the easy way, do you?’’

‘’Aaron, we both saw what Vic was like the last time Adam slept with someone else and what I wanted to do to punish him then, but I wasn’t gonna put her through that again if I could help it, so I went after Rebecca instead.’’

‘’That’s why you moved in with her and Vic isn’t it, keep an eye on her?’’

‘’Yes, it was. Besides, I figured…’’ He hesitated, suddenly very aware of himself.

‘’Figured what, Robert?’’

‘’You already hated me for what I did. You didn’t need to hate Adam as well, and we were both scared you would, if you found out everything.’’

‘’You should have told me the truth.’’

‘’He’s your best mate Aaron. Losing him would have destroyed you.’’

‘’Losing you destroyed me.’’ Aaron retorted, slamming his beer can down as he rose from his seat.

‘’No it didn’t, Aaron.’’

‘’Don’t tell me how I felt Robert.’’

‘’You never lost me Aaron, but leaving me, it made you better.’’

‘’Only because I didn’t know I was hurting myself based on a lie.’’

‘’I didn’t know either, not at the time.’’

‘’Didn’t you want to save us? Didn’t you want me anymore?’’ Aaron’s voice suddenly went very small, the ugly doubts he’d always had rearing their head again, and Robert felt like his heart was tearing in pieces.

‘’Of course I wanted you Aaron. I loved you. But you were stronger without me, happier.’’

‘’Is that what you really think?’’

‘’It’s true, everyone saw it.’’

‘’Well then, guess that makes me as good a liar as you.’’

‘’What are you saying?’’

‘’Do you know how hard it was to see you in the village and not be with you? It broke my heart Robert. Because before…when you were with Chrissie and we weren’t together…I could put my feelings in a box, pretend I didn’t feel as strongly as I did, and nobody knew so it was easier but now…’’

‘’Now what?’’

‘’Now I know what it’s like to have all of you, to say you were just mine, so walking away…you don’t believe me, but it destroyed me.’’

‘’You think I didn’t feel the same? I was in love with you Aaron, and look what you became because of me. You took a blade to your chest because of what I did.’’

‘’Then why didn’t you tell me the truth when you found out?’’ Aaron shouted back, his emotions spilling over.

‘’Because what you said in the scrap yard the day Seb was born was right, even if you didn’t know why. If I told you the truth about Adam, then everything we’d gone through had been for nothing. Everything Vic went through, thinking she couldn’t have kids with her husband would have been for nothing. But if you still thought he was mine, it was okay.’’

‘’But that doesn’t make any sense either, if you weren’t his father, then why run?’’

‘’I panicked.’’ Robert admitted. ‘’Keeping the lie going, it was getting too much. Vic was constantly hovering around Seb, even you got dragged into it, so I got scared and nearly ran. I thought if I wasn’t around then slowly Vic would drift away from the baby.’’

‘’Have you met your sister?’’ Aaron asked dryly, getting a half-smile from Robert.

‘’That’s why I stayed. If I was around, I could keep her at a distance. And, even though he wasn’t mine, I cared about him, wanted to keep him safe, especially with that nut job of a cousin in the same house.’’

‘’That’s the reason you stayed?’’

Well that, and what you said at the yard.’’

‘’You said _was_ ’’ Aaron suddenly interjected, Robert’s words from earlier playing over in his head.

‘’I’m sorry?’’

‘’A minute ago, you said you were in love with me, past tense. You’re not anymore?’’

Aaron’s question floored Robert, leading him to shake his head in disbelief, which drew a gasp from his husband as his fears were confirmed. Robert could see the walls go up as he watched Aaron back away, retreating into himself.

‘’Leave Robert.’’

‘’No. I’m not going. Of course I’m still in love with you Aaron. I never bloody stopped being in love with you. What would you have had me do, tell the truth? Break my little sister’s heart? She and Adam got back together, she was happy.’’

‘’And what about us Robert?’’

‘’I had my shot at happiness and I blew it, I didn’t deserve another one. And you had Alex, you were moving on.’’

‘’Nothing ever happened with Alex.’’

‘’But…’’

‘’I didn’t want to hurt you.’’ Aaron admitted shyly. ‘’I felt like I was cheating.’’

‘’But we’re over, you shouldn’t feel like that.’’ Robert replied.

‘’Are we though?’’ Aaron countered.

Moving unconsciously, they both stepped forward, edging closer to each other. Robert could see it, the way Aaron’s eyes flickered across his lips, and he paused, suddenly very uncertain. He felt Aaron move closer, saw the look in his eyes as they just watched each other, both waiting for the other to make the next move.

 

The knock at the door broke their gaze from each other. Sighing heavily, Aaron took a step back, and Robert knew his time was up.

‘’I’ll get it.’’ He said heavily, making his way over. He wasn’t surprised to see Adam on the other side, looking utterly defeated.

‘’I don’t know if he wants to see you right now.’’

‘’Please man, I need to explain.’’

‘’It’s fine Robert, let him in.’’ The weary voice came from behind him, and Robert relented, stepping aside.

‘’I think you should go Robert.’’ Ignoring his protests, Aaron continued. ‘’I need to speak to him alone, please.’’

‘’Fine, but you know where I am.’’ Aaron nodded heavily, and Robert closed the door quietly behind him, leaving Adam standing awkwardly by the fireplace as Aaron returned to his spot on the couch.

‘’Aaron, please say something.’’ Adam begged after several minutes stretched on in heavy silence.

‘’Shouldn’t you be with Vic, trying to win her back?’’

‘’I tried, she wouldn’t let me in, and Robert did say I should give her space.’’

‘’Listen to everything Robert tells you to do now yea? Proper BFF’s aren’t ya?’’ Aaron replied dryly.

‘’Please bro don’t be like this. I’m so sorry.’’

‘’How could you do it?’’

‘’I don’t know, it was such a massive mistake, and it just all got out of hand. Please say you don’t hate me.’’

Aaron twirled the now empty beer can around in his fingers, the itch to stroke his bare ring finger almost overwhelming him, but he refrained.

‘’You know, after everything Robert’s told me, I get it, just about. I think I can wrap my head around why he kept up the lie. He thought we were over, thought there was nothing left to fight for, so he wanted to protect his sister, but you… you saw what she and that baby did to me.’’

‘’Bro, I had to think about Vic okay, it would have destroyed her, going through that after everything with Johnny, and then us not having kids.’’

‘’So my marriage had to pay the price?’’

‘’You were already over, it was too late.’’

‘’We were still together when you found out the truth. You and Vic though, you were long over by then. For all you knew, she’d never take you back after Vanessa.’’

‘’I know that okay, but what difference would it have made, telling you then?’’

‘’What diff...you’re unbelievable.’’

‘’Aaron, please mate.’’

‘’No, you could have stepped up for once and did the right thing. _You_ were the one Adam, who drove me to hospital after I’d cut myself to shreds over that baby. _You_ were the one who took me to the airport after I’d ended things with _my_ husband. You could have told me everything, but instead you took the coward’s way out because it was easier to just follow Robert’s lead and let him take all the blame, again.’’

‘’Please Aaron, tell me what to do to make this right, I’ll do anything.’’

‘’It’s too late for that now. You know I saw it everyday, the way people had a go at Robert any chance they got for not stepping up, being there for the baby. I saw how exhausted he was, how broken he looked, and I pretended to ignore it, thought it was guilt over what he did to me, but it was exhaustion from keeping your dirty little secret.’’

‘’Please bro, we can fix this.’’

‘’That’s the thing,’’ Aaron replied sadly. ‘’I don’t know if we can. I took the rap for you once, so you wouldn’t go to prison for a fire that you started. I even hid those tyres to protect you over Emma and yet you couldn’t even step in and save my marriage to the one man I ever saw a future with. ‘’

‘’So you forgive Robert for cheating on you, but not me for this?’’

‘’Robert thought we were finished, and he lashed out, because he was in pain. You don’t have an excuse, not anymore.’’

‘’No, Aaron, we need to fix this, you’re my best mate.’’

‘’Am I though? I think you need to go.’’

‘’Aaron, I’m not going anywhere.’’

‘’Get out now, please Adam.’’ Aaron pleaded, the tears threatening to fall. Accepting defeat, Adam backed out the Mill, closing the door behind him. As soon as he heard that final click, Aaron’s walls came down, and he let the tears finally flow.

 

 

Three days had passed since the revelation in the pub, and Robert hadn’t seen Aaron once. He had sent multiple texts, had even braved the murmurings in the pub to see him, but he was nowhere to be found. He risked the Mill once, but there was no response. The Whites had vanished from the village following Seb’s release from hospital, the gossip too much for them, and it remained to be seen if they were coming back.

Adam had banged down the door of Keepers every day since it all came out, desperately pleading for Victoria to hear him out, but Robert eventually had to tell him to back off. He and Moira were going to her mother’s house for Christmas, Pete informed Robert when he ran into him in David’s, and Vic feigned an uninterested expression when Robert passed on the news, which hurt his heart even more.

Suddenly, it was Christmas Eve, light snow falling all over the village, the lights from all the cottages making it look like the front of a postcard. He didn’t know how, but somehow Robert found himself at the carol concert in the church with Diane and Vic. It had never really been his idea of fun, but Vic had asked him to go with her, and given it was her first time out of the house since it happened, his heart broke at the thought of refusing her.

As he stepped into the warmth of the church, brushing snowflakes off his coat, he was shocked to look up and find Aaron watching him from the corner pew, sandwiched between Chas and Liv. Aaron gave a small shrug in response to Robert’s questioning glance; clearly he had been dragged here against his will as well. As Robert took his place further up, he didn’t notice Aaron’s eyes follow him, but someone else did.

‘’So, you gonna take him back then?’’ Liv whispered below him.

‘’What?’’

‘’He obviously still loves you.’’

‘’Well you’ve changed your tune. Wasn’t so long ago you were trying to set me up with Alex.’’

‘’Because,’’ she argued, ignoring Chas’s withering stare. ‘’I didn’t want you to be sad. But you’d still be sad with Alex, only person you’re not sad with is him.’’

‘’He made me sadder than anyone Liv.’’

‘’Only because you love him more than anyone. I know what he did, why he lied.’’

‘’And?’’

‘’And I think it says a lot, about what he was willing to do for you, and Vic.’’

‘’So?’’

‘’So…’’ Liv sighed dramatically, getting another glare from Chas. ‘’Don’t you think that deserves another chance?’’

The service came to an end, and Aaron watched Robert make his way to the exit. He knew Liv was right, had been thinking the same thing for the past three days. Truth be told, he’d been thinking of Robert a lot longer than that, but would never admit it. Following him out of the church, he jogged slowly up to him.

‘’Hey.’’

‘’Hey.’’ Robert replied, his eyes following Vic as she made her way to Brook cottage with Diane.

‘’Thanks for the messages. I’m sorry I didn’t respond.’’

‘’Lot to take in; I get it. I’m sure you’ve heard…Rebecca…’’

‘’She’s gone, I know.’’ Robert nodded.

‘’Pete told me Adam’s going away for a few days. Do you think you’ll…?’’

‘’Miss him? A lot, yea. I think I’ve mostly forgiven him for what he did but a small part of me is still angry with him.’’

‘’For what?’’

‘’For keeping you away from me.’’ Robert shook his head at Aaron’s words.

‘’He didn’t do this, not all of it. And I meant what I said the other day; you haven’t lost me. I’m still here if you need me.’’

‘’And if I do…’’ The sound of a throat clearing behind them cut off Aaron’s next words as Adam appeared from around the corner.

‘’Look, I best be off, got some mince pies waiting for me.’’ Robert smiled.

‘’Oh yea, you never could get enough of them could you?’’ The memories of last Christmas flickered in front of him as he spoke.

‘’That’s true. Talk to him Aaron.’’ Robert whispered as he started his walk. ‘’Oh and Merry Christmas.’’

‘’Merry Christmas Robert.’’

Aaron watched Robert walk away to join his family, and turned back to see Adam still shuffling hesitantly a few yards in front of him. Taking a deep breath, he walked slowly towards him until they were inches from each other.

‘’I’m sorry.’’ They said in unison, causing them both to let out a small laugh.

‘’What are you saying sorry for?’’ Adam quizzed.

‘’I said some horrible things to you the other night mate, and I didn’t mean them, not really.’’

‘’But I deserved it, I’ve made such a mess.’’

‘’No…well yea maybe a little.’’ Aaron agreed. ‘’I was upset and I took it out on you. I was just so angry at Robert for lying to me again, and you for dragging him into your mess and _her_ mainly, for getting away with everything scot free as per usual.’’

‘’I should have come clean, as soon as I saw what it was doing to you and Robert.’’ Adam admitted contritely.

‘’Yea, you should have. But I get it now, love can make you desperate sometimes and you wanted to protect Victoria.’’

‘’And you. I didn’t want either of you to hate me.’’

‘’I don’t hate you Adam. I don’t even think Vic does, but she’s hurt and she deserves some space.’’

‘’Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?’’

‘’Honestly, I don’t know. She needs time mate, a lot of time.’’

‘’And I’m gonna give her that. I’m going to my grandmother’s for a bit, give her space.’’

‘’You’re coming back though?’’ Aaron asked worriedly, hearing the finality in Adam’s tone.

Adam shrugged in response.

‘’I hope so, but I need time away too, try and make sense of the mess I’ve made. I’ve got a son now, mad innit?’’

‘’That’s one word for it. Have you spoken to her?’’ Adam shook his head reluctantly.

They stood in silence for a moment, but Adam heard the chimes of the church bell and glanced at the ground.

‘’You need to go.’’

‘’Yea.’’ Adam replied sadly, cautiously stepping forward, the small nod from Aaron giving him the go ahead to wrap his best friend in his arms. ‘’You’re too good for us Aaron Dingle, and we don’t deserve you.’’

‘’I know.’’ Aaron smirked in response as he tightened his grip on his friend. They eventually broke apart, both fighting the tears in their eyes.

‘’Come back yea?’’ Aaron asked softly as Adam gave him one last look.

‘’Yea.’’ Adam replied as he walked away slowly, and Aaron shook away the tears before they fell again.

 

 

Aaron was stuffed and sleepy, the traditional Dingle Christmas threatening to undo him as per usual. Somehow he had managed to walk back to the Mill, and he was now sprawled across the couch, a half-open box of chocolates in front of him and some cheesy Christmas film on the telly. Liv was upstairs having a nap, one too many sneaky snowballs having wiped her out, but Aaron was too tired to fight her about it, not after everything. He had received a call from Adam that morning, and he seemed better, lighter now the secret had lifted, even if he was a long way from being ready to come home.

A knock at the door roused him from his stupor. Mumbling to himself as he checked the time, he was stunned to find Robert on the other side of the door looking incredibly nervous, two impeccably wrapped presents in his hand.

‘’Robert, what are you doing here?’’

‘’I’m not sure really.’’ He admitted. ‘’Well no, I am. I bought these for you two ages ago, not thinking really if I should…but…yea…I…well I didn’t want them to just go to waste, so here, Merry Christmas, again.’’ Aaron’s heart fluttered at the way Robert’s voice stuttered, and he felt a shiver run through him as he took the presents from Robert’s hands, their fingers brushing as he did.

‘’Thanks, you didn’t have to.’’

‘’It’s nothing, really. Anyway, I’ll leave you to it.’’

‘’Do you…do you want to go for a walk?’’

Robert hesitated for a second, and Aaron could practically see the battle raging inside him, but eventually, he let out a tiny nod.

‘’Erm yea, okay, sounds good.’’

Neither of them knew how it happened, but it was inevitable really, that they would end up on the bridge, the snow still swirling around them, the chill seeping through both of their thick winter coats. The walk there had been in silence, and now, as they stood side by side, Aaron could feel Robert’s warmth next to him and ached to be closer.

‘’How’s Vic?’’ He eventually asked.

‘’She’s okay. Putting on a front mostly, Sugden spirit and all that.’’

‘’Wonder where she gets that from eh?’’

Robert smiled softly in response to Aaron’s gentle dig.

‘’You and Adam?’’

‘’We’re okay, still dealing with it, but we’ll get there.’’

Robert smiled in response, but didn’t meet his gaze, so Aaron tried again to get him to look at him.

‘’Robert, did you mean what you said the other day?’’

‘’About what?’’

‘’That your only shot of happiness has passed you by?’’

‘’Yea, yea I did.’’

Aaron looked back towards the water. He could feel the cold weaving its way into his bones, but he tried to fight it, knowing if Robert saw him shivering that he would send him back to the Mill, and it would all be over. It was too late though, as before Aaron knew it, he felt a coat being draped over him.

‘’What are you doing?’’ He asked Robert incredulously, staring at the man in front of him who was now in nothing but his regular clothes and a scarf.

‘’You’re shivering, I wanted to warm you up.’’

‘’And you catching pneumonia, that’s fine is it?’’ Robert shrugged, still not meeting his eyes, Aaron’s breath catching in his throat as he finally had a moment of clarity over what to say next.

‘’You know, I never told you this, but that night when I left the pub, I went to see Rebecca.’’

‘’What, why?’’ Finally, Robert was looking at him.

‘’To hear her side of things. She basically admitted she’s in love with you.’’

‘’Aaron, I don’t want to hear this.’’

‘’Well tough.’’ Aaron fired back. ‘’I saw it, the delusion in her eyes. Even after everything you did to her family and their business, she still thought you’d choose her, isn’t that mad?’’

‘’Stop…’’

‘’No, you’re hearing this. She thought you wanted her over me, so I took great pleasure in telling her every thing you did for me the last few years; the ring, the wedding, what you said in court, Jason, all of it. And you know what, until I actually said those things out loud, I never really believed it myself.’’

‘’Believed what?’’ Aaron saw it; the tiny flicker of hope and it was enough to spur him on.

‘’That someone like you could love someone like me that much. Even now, with all this.’’ Aaron wrapped Robert’s coat around him tighter.

‘’It’s just a coat Aaron.’’ Robert shrugged shyly.

‘’I don’t mean the coat; well I do, because you’re standing there freezing like a muppet. I mean everything with the baby. You put everything you felt, everything you wanted to one side so your little sister didn’t get hurt, so I didn’t lose a mate and get hurt. You’d rather I hated you, than hate him. It was idiotic, just like giving me this coat in the middle of winter, and most of it didn’t make any sense, but you did it for me.’’

‘’I do everything for you Aaron, you’ve only just realised this now?’’

‘’Then I need you to do two things for me now.’’

‘’What?’’

‘’Firstly, put your coat back on before you die of hypothermia.’’ Robert took the coat back reluctantly, shuffling it back on. Once he was bundled up again securely, he looked curiously at Aaron, who was watching him intently.

‘’Okay, so what’s the second thing?’’

‘’You know.’’

‘’I know?’’

Seeing Robert’s baffled expression, Aaron couldn’t help the smile that crinkled at the corners of his mouth.

‘’Fine, if you need me to spell it out for ya.’’

Before Robert could react, Aaron’s hands were around his waist, and he was crushing their lips together, the cold chill on both of their mouths soon disappearing as their lips made contact. Robert felt a shiver run through his entire body as his husband tightened his grip on his waist, but for once it wasn’t from the cold. The kiss was demanding, but Aaron’s lips were soft and reassuring as they pressed against his own.

As they pulled apart, Robert searched Aaron’s eyes for any hint of doubt, but couldn’t find it.

‘’Are you sure?’’

‘’I’m sure, I love you Robert Sugden.’’

‘’I love you more Aaron Dingle.’’

‘’Then come home.’’

 

**Author's Note:**

> Just FYI, I don't really believe this theory, so it was an interesting challenge to write this!
> 
> Also someone posted on Twitter that they think Seb stands for Someone Else's Baby, so maybe Emmerdale are pulling a Rug Tree Bonds on Robert and hiding the lie in plain sight! (If only they were that clever!)


End file.
